Jack Von Rooney
When you’ve been around here as long as me you risk getting accustomed to some stuff. But then again, you really never know what’s gonna happen, right? I totally know it sounds like I’m talking to myself…or even worse, writing to myself…but everything’s going be okay because it’s all part of a formula.
So I grew up with only a handful of friends and who knows; maybe that’s why I was drawn to dentistry? And maybe there really is a reason for everything and maybe a few decades spent with only one mouth running (in my sleep, on the driving range, in front of my checkbook, etc.) was part of some grander design? Might be that grander design is the perfection of the virtual interview.
And so once again I give you CBS curmudgeon extraordinaire, Mr. Andy Rooney. Andy virtually called up Temple City Dental Care (TCDC) last week and asked for a post Election Day/ post USC loss to The Fighting Beavers apocalypse interview. Like I’ve shared here before, Andy’s always been a no-nonsense hero of mine; and he still asks a ton of open-ended questions. Rooney would still like to know why Chihuahuas, Sean Penn, and former smokers have such a huge chip on their shoulder and he also questions why a dang tooth brushing approach has such a self-important, high falutin’ name like the Modified Bass Technique (sounds like the World War II invasion of Colorado or something for cryin’ out loud.)
As always, the brief interview transpired right in front of El Pollo Loco and things went well in the absence of senior citizen discount Nazi, La Polla Loca (Rooney knows I only have to outrun him, not Ms. Loca.)
The opinions expressed in the interview in no way reflect those held by CBS, the BCS, TCDC…or God forbid, the Tribune.
“Andy, welcome back to Temple City; it’s really exciting having you back in town. Too bad you missed our election; we actually had a tie for third place and instead of recounting the 42 votes in question, the two bronze medalists just flipped a coin!”
“Von Bulow, are you gonna ask me a question or what?
“Okay Andy, I’m really interested in hearing your take on the election. I know you’ve seen it all: the Great Depression, World War II and everything since. But did you ever dream you’d see President-elect Obama?”
“Young Jack, I think this election might be one of the most pivotal this country has had; right in there with Lincoln’s and FDR’s in ‘32. And no, I wasn’t around covering the Lincoln-Douglas debates in 1858.”
“No need to get snippy Roonster; but what about Mike Wallace? I bet he was around; wonder if Stephen A. really had that fluffy Mohawk-doo that shows up on the Internet? But really Andy, what’s your take?”
“Dr. V, this election moved me. When I was born in 1919, my life expectancy was less than age 55. I’m very grateful to still be around and not only witness history, but actually get paid to write and talk about it.”
“Jackson, I understand you’re still the foremost DDS/elite athlete in the San Gabriel Valley, may I ask you a question? What about health care?”
“Andy, I’ll limit my response to dentistry. Keep your dental health preventive, use your dental benefits in ’08 or lose ‘em, and look for interest-free deals on stuff you’ve always wanted. But now Andrew, your thoughts?”
“JVB, 47 million folks without health insurance and millions more without enough of it is a disgrace. The cost of health insurance to employers for employees really calls for commitment and sacrifice, sometimes at risk to the business itself. Leaving the transformation of the system to the private sector alone is like putting the Crips in charge of collecting property taxes. The government needs to be responsible and play a role.”
“Just two more questions for you Andrew; are those your real eyebrows and have you ever heard about teeth whitening?”
“Look Von Bulow, I’m 89 years old; leave me alone. Bite me Molar Jockey!”
