Dr. Von Bulow's Articles

So I realize I’m now a candidate for the Schick Center program helping out molar jockeys who can’t stop talking about Invisalign. And lately, most of the beautiful on-the-inside and/or on-the-outside women I’ve hung out with away from my TCDC home, have been…well…more or less…invisible.

Yeah, I took another Certification II advanced Invisalign course last Friday and sometimes Chicago seems a lot closer than Costa Mesa. I got wasted on sports-talk radio on the looong early morning drive down to the OC and by the time I turned around for the grim journey home even the sports-talk guys were pretty much sports-talked out.

The PM sports jocks moved onto to some social topics that kept me safely interested and alert while I was averaging about 15mph through outposts like Tustin, Placentia, and Fullerton. And relationship talk can get fairly hazardous in the company of women but there’s basically no risk attached to that kind of conversation among a bunch of primitive chronic sports fan types.

The topic was “Why wouldn’t you call her back after the first date?” And since I was in the privacy of my own slow speed chase-mobile on the road to nowhere and I had the shades on disguising the bloodhound eyelids that just don’t go with the words “first” and “date”, I actively listened in.

There were the usual Seinfeld variations such as “She used to go out with Newman!” or “I’m in the unfortunate position of having to consider other people’s feelings.” And there were others like “She wouldn’t talk” (really) or “She wouldn’t stop talking” or “She smoked” or “She wouldn’t stop talking…about her Ex or her cat,” or “she laughs like hyena” and yada…yada…yada. And of course, none of those embarrassing Neanderthal excuses apply to yours truly.

But then the old single radio guy threw in, “Needy does it every time.” And hey, I get it…totally. Needy and selfish (me) are sort of like oil and water, or Palin and foreign policy (or Katie Couric), or bruin and football; they just don’t mix.

But then the old guy went a little deeper; “If any woman is that crazy about me after just one date, I figure there’s gotta be something wrong with her.”

Suddenly, I was back at the Hilton in Costa Mesa and you’ll probably never move me outa the back row again and it’s not that dangerous going back in time when you’re only movin 5mph up The 57.

So Invisalign has helped make beautiful smiles for some 1.6 million folks who’d have probably never opted for metal braces and even though the approach is the most awesome dental innovation I’ve ever seen, it’s getting exponentially even better. Aside from making cock-eyed smiles beautiful, Invisalign goes a long way in helping mouths function effectively while also restoring the natural self-cleansing nature of properly aligned teeth.

We’ve actually provided Invisalign for folks who were so high risk regarding tooth decay and gum disease that traditional braces would have probably caused some tooth loss. So if you want straighter teeth, just ask. Straight teeth also mean improved oral health.

Anyway, after staking out a spot in the back of the conference room, three of the hottest molar jockettes I’ve ever seen sat down in the row right in front of me. And it’s a shame they were all so freakin needy…in my dreams.

Seemed like I just blinked and next thing you know I was cruisin’ through Diamond Bar at a brisk 30mph pace…and channeling George Costanza. And if awesome lady DDSs are gonna travel in packs because they need to learn more about Invisalign, then I’m committing my continuing education efforts to the needy.

Ask about Invisalign. And you can call any time.

For the longest time, our practice has looked for role models.

Please allow me to introduce Rosemary Children’s Services.

Thing is, we’ve actually had field trips that were all about our understanding the way some folks relate to people effectively and then manage to make a difference providing a service. And sometimes the models are closer to home than you’d think.

We’ve traveled up to Seattle to hang out with the fishmongers over at World Famous Pike Place Fish (twice.) Turns out, the outrageously successful business became World Famous out of some desperate financial straits simply because the boys declared it.

Being World Famous isn’t about marketing (the Pike Place Fish website is the marketing.) Being World famous is more about behavior; it’s like, “How did I interact with that customer who bought the halibut? Was I being World Famous?”

So I’ve never exactly been what you’d call a quick study but I think I’m starting to get it. I’m noticing some stuff that’s starting to make sense about what it takes to do things the great way.

A few months ago, I attended Rosemary Children’s Services’ amazing “An Evening with Star Chefs” over at Santa Anita Racetrack. And I’ve been schooled at the track on several occasions in the past but not like this.

Pasadena’s Rosemary Children’s Services (RCS) has been an advocate for at-risk children for some 90 years. Major event sponsor Wells Fargo seemed to capture the essence of the organization on the back cover of my “Chefs” program with “When a group of people comes along who have the courage and vision to turn dreams into reality, they make the future brighter for everyone.” What I’ve taken away from my newer than new experience as a Rosemary board member, is the organization has had the courage to take on even more; they’ve had to make the dreams possible.

Rosemary children can have lives beginning with neglect at home, continuing under the supervision of the Social Services Agency, followed with an eventual placement in a RCS Certified Foster Home. Behavioral challenges can basically be anything you choose to put under the heading, “Anti-social.” At my board interview, Executive Director, CEO, Greg Wessels asked me if I’d had any experience regarding mental health. Even though I’m sure dentists are asked this question many times, all I could manage was an audible gulp.

Since 1920, RCS has grown from a single residence serving 11 girls to a full-service agency yearly impacting some 450 boys and girls in crisis. Rosemary has created a chance for dreams for thousands of youth and their families through its Residential, Mental Health, Foster family and Adoption, and Traditional Housing Programs, plus its Non-Public School. And during the past two years of economic uncertainty, RCS has thrived.

It occurred to me organizations like Rosemary Children’s Services not only focus on the people they serve, they are actually a stand for them. When I interviewed RCS’ Board President and 15-year volunteer Simms Teramoto, it was more like listening to a parent than a board member. And the organization plays big, thinks independently and thrives within the economy they can control.

These days, the fishmongers at World Famous Pike Place Fish actually travel nationwide, presenting teambuilding to the likes of Wells Fargo, Harley Davidson, the Mayo Clinic, and the U.S. Army.

What we can learn from Rosemary Children’s Services would seem to be so rare in the traditional business world that having “it” and being World Famous would seem a logical distinction.

So here’s to World Famous Rosemary Children’s Services!

And thanks for the education.

More information about Rosemary Children’s Services at www.rosemarychildren.org

So a while ago two of my favorite people in the world had a very difficult span of seven days.

One of the kindest, most caring young ladies I’ve ever known had to work full-time with demanding and always improvising yours truly, doing a job usually reserved for the two best in the business. And she was the lucky one.

My two dental assistants Kolleen and Dani are Golden. For starters, I’d love to call ‘em my daughters; it’s just that I don’t quite have enough “thoughtful” and “always pleasant” DNA to make the claim stick. Some folks can only fantasize about working together with friends they love. I guess the idea is familiarity will breed some sort of sense of entitlement or worse yet, contempt.

All I can say is for me, the last seven or so years have been more about greater and greater respect and appreciation and…I might as well just come out and admit it, love.

So Kolleen and Dani are sticklers for detail; they require organization and predictable systems just to breathe. And you have to admire their chutzpah for choosing to be Radars O’Reilly to my Colonel Blake with an inner ear infection.

Both of my dental assistants keep me on track, relate to patients on “Hello” and anticipate way better than Pete Carroll can sniff out incoming NCAA violations and penalties.

The two women with whom I spend extended weekdays couldn’t be insincere if their lives depended on it. When I see them interact with folks generous enough to honor us with their trust and loyalty, I know we’re family. If they seem for the moment cynical or sarcastic, I know their just coaching me to a wake-up call. I’ve never seen two lovelier smiles.

If you show up every day and perform a task and you’re compensated for your time and effort, you’ve got a job. If on sight, your co-workers bring a smile and “Good morning” hits warmly like a shot of Tequila, you have yourself a career.

Funny how I used to feel safe and sound when my parents were under the same roof. Funny because whenever either Kolleen or Dani are away, I start looking for my TCDC “security blanket.”

And to think I once figured great dental assistants had awesome technical abilities and great verbal skills, plus the kind of initiative that was more mythical than the Trojan horse toolin’ down Las Tunas? Kolleen and Dani are so much more.

My two dental assistants are human in only the greatest sense of the word; they’re compassionate in the universal sense of the word. Kolleen and Dani are understanding enough to have only walked out on me once. And I deserved the life lesson learned. Thanks again Dani.

And I just can’t seem to lose the image of Dani crying one morning recently. And I’m not so sure I should.

Kolleen took over the assisting duties for a week because Dani’s family at home really needed her. One of twelve siblings had lost a brief, cruel battle with cancer at far too young an age. And just like at the office, Dani was the eloquent source of strength I’ve come to respect, admire, and love so much.

If I close my eyes, I can still see Dani reacting to a sister’s sentimental favorite song and kids asking for their Nana. I know from experience Dani’s hurt and tears will always be there, maybe hidden a little more under the surface as time goes by.

And that sad morning still brings a twinge when I think back at it. And so does the love.

So as I was unsuccessfully trying to maneuver a driver-friendly route from Pasadena to what used to be downtown Temple City on a Friday afternoon, I noticed I’d aged. And maybe not much like a fine Barolo.

Got me to thinking and trust me, sometimes hooking up a few synapses and building a legit thought can be hard work. If you don’t believe me, just search George W. Bush malapropisms and you’ll find 15,200 examples. One of my favorites: “The police are not here to create disorder; they’re here to preserve disorder…”

Don’t know about you guys but it seems my patience on the road wears thinner faster these days. And if the cops are here to preserve disorder they seem to be doing one heck of job on Rosemead Blvd.

Yeah, it finally hit me I just might be getting old when I started hating a street. I said it out loud, “I hate Rosemead.” And it felt good too. And remember, within the most sophisticated dental continuing education circles, I’m known as Smilin’ Jack.

If I’d even thought of using the word “hate” when I was a kid (under 30; okay, 40) my Mom would’ve washed my mouth out with soap and I don’t mean un-fluoridated toothpaste. Seemed like it was time for some serious self-evaluation.

So I thought I was sick and tired of Sarah Palin, Dancing with the Stars (with Palin’s skanky kid this season), Wannabe Wang, and Old Hypocrite Pete Carroll. And I’ll throw in any tunes screeched out by Michael Bolton or whimpered out by James Blount. Okay, and let’s add any cutesy songs by Michael Buble, retirement parties for Bret Favre, and all the cigarette butts some jackass leaves behind our building every morning.

But what really gets my eyes rollin’ back in their sockets is forever ground-under-repair, dirt flyin’-in-the-air, slower-than-petrified molasses, freakin Rosemead. From the shifting pile of dirt aka The Piazza (coming soon) to the clogged two-lane artery north of Huntington “I ha-, I mean I’m challenged by Rosemead.”

And I do hate Salmonella, E. Coli., the Tijuana trots, and Wells Fargo so maybe it’s not as bad as I thought. Maybe I just can’t adapt to the sight of Rosemead anymore. There, that’s a little more positive, huh? It’s like Tommy Bahama flower shirts and Dockers; if I show up with that combo, don’t shoot me. Just run over and hose me down with some Tabasco or Dunn Edwards until I skulk out and away to the closest yard sale and a new wardrobe.

And there it is. I just had a full out argument in print, debating the merits of hatred over an inanimate object when it’s really just a preference I’m talking about…to myself. Good grief, I bet I was even wearing that mean looking hawk-like scowl I’ve seen permanently etched on some old folks who never smile back (and I bet they watch Fox and Dancing with the Stars.)

So maybe that’s why the old guys (USC class of ’51) I played Friday golf with over at Santa Anita asked me if I was still working? They also worried that I’d be okay carrying my clubs with the sun out and all; I was just waiting for ‘em to ask me if I knew Dr. G. V. Black, the guy who invented the foot-driven dental drill. Later that same day at my fav Pasadena restaurant, a little cutey offered to buy me a glass of wine…just before she respectfully referred to me as her elder. Ugh.

So here’s what I’m gonna do. I’m embracing Rosemead. And I’m savoring all the time I get to spend smelling the roses (and other stuff too), appreciating other viewpoints (on talk-radio), and developing my own smile from within; hear that kind of thing keeps you young.

I love Rosemead. Really.

So it wasn’t always this way. “Bank” used to be four letters literally but not figuatively.

Shucks, I used to have my own little bank account in elementary school. My parents effectively instilled the spirit of saving money way before I ever even heard of our City hoarding away millions in reserve right in the middle of an El Niño type rainy day.

And back in The Day, the Bank of America spotted me enough cash to get my practice off the ground from scratch (I lied; I actually had about 50 battle-tested patients.) My collateral back then was my whole-life insurance policy. Really.

Didn’t even understand compound interest, had never had a checking account or a credit card. Didn’t know a thing about payroll tax or worker’s comp (USC D-School was very good at money; just not very good at teaching it.) When I saw my total loan balance was almost twice the amount I had borrowed, I experienced my first of many moments of bank doubt. A little later, grizzled old Doc Shima patiently explained the essence of compound interest.

My parents paid cash for everything. If they didn’t have the dough, they didn’t buy. I hung in without a credit card until well after I’d paid off my seven-year loan to the B of A.

A week or so ago, I went online for my second Chase Bank credit card payment of the month. The first installment was for 5 grand; the follow-up effort would be good for $2K.

That’s when I found out my credit limit had been reduced by $4,000 just ten days following the first payment. No letter or email; as usual, no service. For the uninitiated, the practice is called “Chasing the balance.” The nuance seems to be the latest rage in the business…and my latest cause for more bank doubt.

Oh, and I finally got my official Chase notification in the mail about a week following my expensive Internet discovery. Sure am glad I didn’t sign on the line for any silly junk like continuing education or supplies.

And I can’t wait to speak with the messenger; that would be someone called “Credit Department.”

I realize I’m not the only one going through chronic and episodic bank purgatory these days. And I’m grateful I get to sit down and blow off some steam here while there aren’t any cats within drop-kick range.

Just curious, is there a segment of humanity less trustworthy than corporate banking? Didn’t these knuckleheads practically get the U.S. to go el busto? Didn’t they actually place bets against the high risk loans they were handing out? Guess Fantasy Football doesn’t do it for these “professionals?” Why not play Fantasy Economy?

So banks practically trigger a depression, get bailed out by the government, and continue to refuse making loans. Now when I pay down my business card, my credit line gets cut and my credit score plummets right along with it.

And our business to-date is enjoying its best year ever…in spite of banks.

The Sunday afternoon “banker” at Chase assured me they’d run a periodic evaluation and made a decision to cut my credit line. My response was somewhat muted because even weekend liars can’t be real bankers. Seems to me, any industry with the service instincts of Forrest Gump on Quaaludes would see the opportunity of informing the client before imposing new guidelines or limits.

I’ve always been taught to be responsible, to accept what I have as exactly what I deserve. Sometimes being responsible can be frustrating.

And I can’t help fantasizing about banks getting exactly what they deserve too.

So I’ve always wanted to generate a title at least twice as long as the written section of the California Dental State Board exam and now I’ve done it!

But first off, I wanna thank all my buddies at GE Capital for finally seeing it my way. Turns out, I spoke with someone who understood that me paying a five-year lease from 1999 to 2004 and then onward to 2010 just wasn’t very cool.

And since the GE folks assigned to molar jockeys were only willing to give me back 10%, I pretended I was just like USC Coach Lane Kiffin or our own Temple City darling, Randy Wang. I became fearless and selfish; totally un-phased by my own stupidity and lack of social skills (hopefully, temporarily.)

And yeah, I got all my money back. As I told GE Capital Portfolio Leader Steve, “I was becoming a hater; now, I’m a fan.”

So I’ve been experiencing some of the same wonder over Kiffin and Wang. Could I ever be a fan? Thing is, they both surfaced in 2004 (the very same year my lease payments got some over-payment CPR.) Would you believe I just felt some cold sweat drip down my back?

Couldn’t have been more surprised to run into Randy and Lane at El Pollo Loco; I only stop by these days when informants assure me La Polla Loca isn’t back in the kitchen adding the Loco secret sauce that tends to raise lumps on my head just before shutting down my airway.

As usual, the opinions expressed in this virtual interview do not express those of La Polla Loca, TCDC, the NCAA, the Piazza/Plaza/Whatever, or even University of Tennessee Vols (Victims of legal statutes) athletics.

“So it’s cool seeing both you guys together! Lane, hope you enjoy the tension around City Hall this time of year. Randy, hope you’re not looking for another lot.”

“Dr. Von Bulow, as the genius behind the Piazza/Plaza/Whatever, I’ve always enjoyed the way you call the City Council “The Gang of Five.”

“Thanks Wangster, the pleasure was mine.”

“Yeah Doc, thought it was cool the way you called the old guy “OH” Carroll. Old Hypocrite Carroll, Haha! He dyes his hair white and he wouldn’t have done Jack at USC if it wasn’t for my Dad.”

“Hey Lane, remember, like my name’s Jack.”

“Yeah, why don’t ya sue me? Haha! Take a number; you’ll be right behind those hicks from Nashville. My Dad can kick their…”

“Hey Coach, stuff the attitude. You’re in my house. One more peep out of you and I’ll send you back to Heritage Hall straight through Alhambra. Huh, guess you’re not as dumb as you look.”

“And Randy, have you noticed how you and good ole silent Lane over there have so much in common?”

“Dr. V, even though I’ve been developing the Piazza/Plaza/Whatever since you were a lad, I don’t understand. And is it true you are still the foremost elite athlete/dentist/scribe in the San Gabriel valley?

“Developer Wannabe Wang, the answer to your question is “yes.”

“Doctor, I still don’t understand.”

“Oh yeah, that. Okay, you both got started at what you’re so lousy at in 2004. The Piazza/Plaza/Whatever started out as a 5-story tower with 250-350 condos and then became a multi-use 2-story project at 125,000 square feet with 52 condos. Now the plan is one story, 50,000 square feet, two restaurants and a grocery store. In six years, you’ve produced a pile of dirt and two fences. As a developer, you suck. And you still have the property and the job.”

“Hey, what about me Doc?”

“One more word Kiffin and you’re going straight down Main St. So okay, you cost my beloved Trojans two national titles with your lousy play-calling. I paid your cab fare to the airport and you barely lasted a season with the Raiders. Then Tennessee hired ya and you ditched ‘em after one year. Now you’re back at USC making $4 Mil and you got the school sued even before the season started.

You guys both suck at what you do. You knuckleheads should be paying us just to share the air.”

“Doctor Jack, as the owner of Piazza/Plaza/Whatever, if you keep talking like that, I will need to bring my tape recorder. Hahaha!”

“Bite me, Developer Jockey!”

So I’m part of a really progressive national dental organization (Crown Council) that includes big-time educators, top clinicians, and even a few molar jocks that get regular TV face time. The group is really committed to the community and has collectively raised more than $25 million over the last decade to help children in need.

This week, the group wasn’t too thrilled with energetic Oprah disciple surgeon/author/TV personality Dr. Mehmet Oz. And it’s one thing to get feisty with another know-it-all physician but it’s quite another matter to annoy Ms. Winfrey.

I happen to like ole Mehmet and I appreciate his personalized, human approach; he connects with people the way I wish all physicians could.

But this time Doc Oz goofed up when he, in passing, carelessly cautioned folks regarding dental x-rays and a possible increased thyroid cancer risk. These days, lead protective aprons come with collars protecting the thyroid from radiation that’s a drop in the bucket compared to what we get from five-minutes of SoCal sunshine. One more thing, dentists can’t diagnose or treat disease without x-rays.

I visited Dr. Oz’ website to check out the “x-ray” interview. Something I found in the process was one of the most clearly written pieces I’ve seen on the importance of seeing the dentist.

Here’s the article (and of course, I’ve improved it without editing content.) I give you Dr. Oz:

“When you think of efforts that can stave off a heart attack or stroke, you don’t immediately zero in on your teeth and gums. But a growing body of evidence says that what goes on in your mouth could harm the health of your heart and beyond. Dodging the dentist can actually put your life at risk.

If the eyes are the window to your soul, then the mouth should be the door to your heart. Not just because it’s key to a loving kiss, a pretty smile and savoring a meal, but also because poor oral health can be the root cause of some serious health problems, including heart disease. Yet, many Americans, even those with good access to healthcare and insurance, don’t give oral care the attention it deserves. We bypass brushing, forgo the floss and dodge the dentist until there is a problem. Some adults have enough dental anxiety that they never set foot in a dentist’s office.

But research is unearthing evidence that says skipping mouth care is a dangerous strategy because what begins quietly at the gum line can later set off a chain of events that can lead to heart attack, memory loss, stroke and miscarriage. And of all the measures we know that can avert a potentially life-threatening disease, oral care is probably one the most effortless activities one can do.

Even a healthy mouth is home to bacteria. And bacteria love plaque because it is a particularly cozy environment in which to grow. As soon as plaque begins to build, bacteria colonize. And so begins the insidious infection we know as periodontal disease.

And periodontal disease not only impacts quality of life (cosmetically, nutritionally and socially), but also our overall health…and even length of life. The problem with chronic inflammatory diseases like periodontal disease is the assault can be relentless and when unchecked, the body doesn’t get a chance to recuperate. It’s in a perpetual defense mode.

The theory holds that the high load of inflammatory chemicals and leakage of bacteria into the bloodstream can wreak havoc elsewhere in the body. Researchers are finding chronic infection and inflammation can make blood vessels more favorable for the build-up of fatty deposits, and affect insulin resistance, blood clot formation and brain cell activity. Conditions linked to periodontal disease include heart disease and heart attack, stroke, diabetes, preterm birth, lung diseases, and, cancer of the blood, pancreas, tongue, lung and kidney.

Major risk factors for periodontal disease include genetic susceptibility (30% of the population), diabetes, medications (oral contraceptives, antidepressants, blood pressure drugs, and chemotherapy), autoimmune diseases (Rheumatoid arthritis, Crohn’s disease, and lupus), pregnancy, and poor diet.”

So please be responsible; live longer and better. Listen to Dr. Oz…and see your dentist.

*Evaluation and treatment of periodontal disease cannot be performed at a professional standard of care without dental x-rays.

Don’t know about you guys but for me, change is a difficult thing. And it’s clear to me some stuff just needs to stay (like your gums!)

Shucks, if it weren’t for the turnover nature of fitness operations, I’d still be going to the same ole gym I suffered through some 20 years ago. And even though I fire Singing Dental Assistant Kolleen 3-4 times a week, she’s been around for seven years and still taunts me almost every day with, “So you wanna fire me again huh; go ahead…make my day.”

Things come and go way too often to suit me. Yesterday, our power went out and Chase cut my limit on one card and offered me a new one all in the same day. Last weekend, I actually had a cordial golf conversation with my freakin nemesis, deposed USC Athletic Director Mike Garrett. If next week, I wind up hangin out on the range with Doc Ricky “wrath of” Kahn, you have my permission to use my nine-iron on me ala Tiger Woods’ soon-to-become ex-wife. Looks like the only change that’s comfy for me is hypocrisy for cryin out loud. Good thing I have the shifting pile of dirt aka The Piazza/Whatever to provide some solid stability.

On the relationship front, it’s been so bad that I’ve basically locked-down the revolving door. Office Manager (OM) Dalila is always saying I’m way too old and decrepit for a girlfriend (try elderly female companion), “Why not just put your AARP Platinum number on your Facebook Page; it might work better.” And yeah, OM Dalila has been around for 11 years; think I need another consultant (uh-oh, one more revolving door coming up.)

But I am not a victim. I am responsible. I get to choose my attitude and be the author of my own life story.

So here’s the thing, you need to be responsible too. Do not be a victim. You know why? The gums gotta stay!

If you’re reading this column, open a window and shout out loud, “I’M AS MAD AS HELL AND THE GUMS GOTTA STAY!!!” Okay, one more time.

One of my Fav Five resolutions for 2010 is to make loud fun of my buddy Mike Garrett’s uglier than cow-pie golf swing every time I have the courage to look at it up at Altadena GC’s driving range. Another is “being Estelle Getty fearless” (sometimes confused with being annoying or obnoxious; I’ve already mastered that skill set.)

So, if you have the common sense you were born with, find a way to drag your irresponsible, excuse-making, orally infected selves to the dentist and see a hygienist! Am I clear? Can you he-e-ear me? In the U.S., about 50% of the populace is not listening…and around 80% of ‘em have gum disease.

These days, if your teeth are fine but the gums gotta go you’re probably going with ‘em…about seven years ahead of schedule. Geez, and those coulda been seven consecutive PAC-10 titles, BCS bowls, and at least 11-win seasons; 3 Heisman Awards, and 2 National Championships…or seven years of watching your children grow up into their own parenthood.

Research provides strong evidence connecting oral infectious disease and inflammation with systemic challenges such as heart disease, lung disease, diabetes, and low-weight premature births (among many others.)

Chronic oral infectious disease is transmissible within the mouth and between individuals; the disease is managed much like hypertension and diabetes, not cured. And the disease can effectively be measured, monitored, and controlled.

You’ll never make a better investment than the investments applied to your health. If the investment is preventive it means you’re saving money while you preserve quality of life.

So let’s hear it one more time, “I’M GLAD AS HELL AND THE GUMS GOTTA STAY!!!”

Please make 2010 the year you invest in your health; there’s still time but the clock’s tickin’.

Okay, so I know editor “Bulldog” Stephens is expecting something about health and fitness this week even though he’s fallen behind publishing the healthy stuff I’ve already turned in. And I guess if I’m ahead because Stephens is behind, I get to choose any topic I want. What about our town?

I’m thinking; why not choose something that has nothing to do with health and fitness? Over here at TCDC, our goal is having folks be totally happy with their choices and down deep, I know “Bulldog” would want the same for me.

So what’s not healthy? Our town; but I guess I could do a virtual exit interview with hypocrite Coach Pete Carroll. Or maybe I could virtually fire nitwit USC Athletic Director Mike Garrett right in the middle of his “more hideous than UK smiles” golf swing? Nah, I’m not nearly passionate enough about that stuff to have the cortisol my adrenals secrete get my BP that much higher than 200/100.

But what about our town? Yep, paying worker’s comp around here will drive you nuts if you’re smarter than spit.

You could have a fatal laugh attack just by closing your eyes, slowly breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth and visualizing the words “city council” or “redevelopment” or “reserve.” And if lack of vision, decisiveness, and common sense was currency, the recent years of uninspired city jokers would make Bill Gates look like me holding a roadside message offering “Will drill for food” (not so funny anymore.)

So I’ve done time in Temple City since Disco and I never used to think of it as years in the slammer until I started realizing there are ghost towns and bombed-out parts of Afghanistan with more interested business advocates.

And when we (TC) hire someone who finally presents a concept and a plan, all I hear is “We can’t…” So lets fire the redevelopment/revitalization firm because our newbie City Manager says his own abilities overlap (good for him.) Pouring it on, city council members blame the redevelopment guy for not doing the city’s implementing job.

And I don’t know, maybe being all caught up with stuff like plea bargaining and pre-trial hearings can minimize the going-broke plight of the local small businesses you’re supposed to represent.

So the Chamber can’t possibly manage a farmer’s market because it would compromise their ability to capture new members. My question is who wants to belong to a Chamber that presides over too many empty store fronts and can’t even put on a stinkin’ farmer’s market?

The City Manager is doing an awesome job saving $5,000 here and $20,000 there and it’s great that we can’t even sustain a local newspaper because no cities pay $40,000 a year to be printed up. And you’d think at some point someone might consider doing a few things differently than anyone else. I mean, why keep doing what got us to where we are?

Oh, and what’s our reserve? Something approaching $40,000,000.

Wonder what we’re reserving the reserve for? Could the reserve help out the Distinguished Schools school district that keeps home values up? Could the reserve help by making loans available for small businesses struggling through an uncertain economy unlike any other since the Great Depression? Is there ever going to be a better time to improve the city’s infrastructure or revitalize the business community than when we have a load of money and the construction industry is hungry for work?

So we have huge challenges and, as usual, local leaders are playing small. We’re hoarding a few thousand here and there when a fraction of what the city already has would be transformational. There is absolutely no sense of urgency. Apparently, the city leadership doesn’t know the meaning of the word “embarrassment.”

Maybe if I take really good care of myself, I’ll live long enough to see Temple City be something more than a joke. And I guess I have some perspective to share because back in Disco, TC was way more Norman Rockwell than the Bozo it is today.

So I’m not so sure if it was Christmas or the two movies I saw or both. All I know is that during the recent Holidays I got emotional enough to shed a tear when figure skaters fell down and went boom; even felt sorry for the bruins. Maybe I’m just getting old? Nah.

As easily as I can remember Clarence the Angel’s note to George Bailey in “It’s a Wonderful Life” I know what the Angel, Second Class really meant to say was, “He is not a failure who has friends…and family.” When we’re one of the really lucky ones, we get to have both.

So in “Up in the Air” George Clooney played a confirmed bachelor who, on the surface, was totally comfortable with his independence and freedom from all legit personal commitments to anything but his career. And I’ve always wanted to identify with Clooney on some level.

While I’ve successfully dodged giving up free Sundays or the gym every night or personal relationships that could lead to me calling or seeing that special woman every single day, I’ve never held back on my commitment to family.

Hope I’m not grossing y’all out with this personal stuff and next week’s column is all about dentures if you can wait that long.

My immediate family is down to Aunt Clara these days and if I don’t give her a shout-out she’ll call Palermo collect and OM Dalila will finally get that younger DDS replacement she’s always talking about.

Believe it or not I’ve read “The Secret” and there are far worse ways to start the day than by expressing gratitude. So every morning “I’m grateful for…doing something I love and working with people I love.” There are also far worse ways to spend a day.

My TCDC crew of six has been solid for the last seven years (and I include myself to make the number more impressive but you know you’re an integral part when everyone else has headaches and you don’t.) OM Dalila has been around for over eleven years and whaddya gonna do when you finally find someone else who’s smart and went to Mark Keppel HS. Well, what you do is say thanks all the time, especially when you get to be Godfather for Dalila’s daughter and future barrister, Ashley.

I couldn’t have two finer dental assistants than Dani and Kolleen, even though their considerable technical skills don’t even come close to equaling their stature as human beings. If I had daughters I wish they could be Dani and Kolleen (we’ve already gone through most of the difficult stages.)

My dental hygienists Jennifer and Peggy have the skills that used to save teeth and today more likely save at least quality of life if not life itself. Peggy’s the Mom of three and Jen commutes all the way from Manhattan Beach; they both relate to people on “Hello.”

So my family away from home has been there when my Mom died; most of ’em started out shortly after four team members got scared off by a business plan. They all wore black the Monday after the Trojans lost to Texas. A couple of years ago, they made a dream come true and there I was one bright Sunday morning eating a canolli in Piana degli Albanesi in Sicily.

A couple of weeks ago, I had to make some hard choices to get us through a difficult 2009. Later that day (having impersonated Scrooge,) I opened a Christmas gift from my team; it was two VIP tickets to a Celtics’ game at Staples.

I’ve been a diehard Celtics fan since grammar school.

But my quintet trumps even the Celtics. They’re every bit as gifted…and I love ’em… because they’re family.