Another Mighty Trojan Summit
So I guess you guys already know Coach Pete and I are pretty close. Seems like every time we get together to just kick back and share some thoughts on defensive schemes, competition, or maybe even Invisalign, Trojan diehards start crawling out of the woodwork. And how am I supposed to conduct a quality virtual interview surrounded by folks who keep on interrupting and pestering us for autographs?
And let me make one thing perfectly clear right now. I am not a coach and I am not on the USC payroll. In fact, I’m very proud and overjoyed just to have a “zero” balance. I guess what you can call me is an unpaid consultant. I attend some practices; the players don’t even say “Hi” and then Pete and I just sort of BS about stuff that I notice. Stuff like, “Should #77’s mouth be Cardinal and Gold too? Red gums and yellow teeth don’t look so healthy.”
About a month ago, Pete and I got together to bowl a few Lucky Strike frames down at LA Live. Twin Tower of Hygiene Jen begged to tag along; Kinesiologist to the elite athletes Doc Sahara showed up hoping to ride my coattails to an unpaid consultancy position of his own. While we were there, the usual horde of folks descended on the place, threatening the intimacy of my virtual interview witnessed by a couple of close friends.
The following interview in no way reflects the opinion of USC, the NCAA, the Pac-10, the ADA, CDA, TCDC…or Judy Wong, Randy Wang, or anyone else associated with that shifting pile of dirt we in Temple City affectionately call “The Piazza (coming soon.)”
“Coach Pete, as always, it’s great seeing ya. Whaddya make of all these people mobbing us again?”
“Dr. V, can’t tell ya how stoked I am about getting together. It’s totally awesome how much I learn about football and dentistry when we hang out. And I’ve been reading all your stuff and lovin’ it. Just between you and me, you gotta ask (LA Times’ sportswriter) Plaschke, “Who’s your Daddy?”
“Wow coach, thanks for the kind words; just my humble way of giving back…without coaching. But what about all these people?”
“Young Jack, gotta tell ya, it’s amazing and it’s totally cool. Everyone here is from A Better LA. I just did that “The Secret” thing on the way over here and they all showed up. Unbelievable! Awesome!!!” Bet ya Neuheisel could never pull that one off.”
“So Coach Pete, how’re we gonna do this year?”
“J-Von, it’s awesome you asked that cool and perceptive question. This is the most athletic, passionate, and intelligent group of young men we’ve ever had at USC. They could be special. I’m just a little confused over the quarterback position…
“Pete, stay with Aaron Corp.”
“Jackson! The final piece of the puzzle! I hear you’re still the foremost dentist/writer/elite athlete in the San Gabriel Valley. How am I ever gonna repay you for your awesome unpaid consulting and mentoring?”
“Careful there coach. Just keep on doing what you’re doing, especially making such a huge difference for all the Inner City folks who crashed our interview. As for Villaraigosa over there, he can take care of himself. But there’s just this one thing, if you could… I’ve always wondered.
“J-Dawg, you name it!”
“Pete, is that really gray hair? Are those black roots?”
“Bite me, molar jockey.”
